Too busy for introspection?

Patience provides a running joke between my husband and I. He says I have more than he does because I homeschool the kids, and if it were up to him, he would have put them back in a formal setting years ago. On the flip side, I lose my patience, and my cool, much more frequently than he does; probably because I do homeschool those kids.

Just like everyone though, this quarantine is causing me to develop another type of patience. I’m sorely lacking here. I thrive on variety, going, trying new things, seeing new sights. When I stay in one location too long, I start to feel imprisoned. Obviously, I am not, but my mental health starts to decline just the same. Years ago, I figured out if I could leave for a weekend away every two months or so, I’d be all right.

Uh oh.

I was paying attention to that new virus in China when it first hit the news in December. I followed it across China, Iran, Italy, before it arrived in California. So when spring break came, I visited my parents in the northern part of the country, hoping it would not be the last time.

I returned to Dallas on March 21. We stocked up on groceries and art supplies on March 22. Our local judge announced the following day that we would be “Safer at Home.” No more grocery store visits, play dates, or field trips, much less weekends away or middle-of-the-week sneak camping trips.

Almost two months later, I’ve watched my prime camping season dwindle. I’ve pasted a smile on my face, and tried to be kinder, gentler, happier that I otherwise would, because there’s no escape for anyone from my nasty moods. I’ll admit: I have nasty moods. I try not to inflict them on anyone. I’ve tried even harder, but it is exhausting.

I’ve sought refuge in the yard that I normally do not like, but as a result, it is starting to thrive from my daily attention. I’ve worked out and walked to the point that my achilles tendon has pulled the plug. No more than a mile at a time, it says.

I’ve taken up bike riding with my youngest son almost every day. I’ve tried to teach him a bit of tennis in an empty parking lot on our block because all the tennis courts are always full. I try to stretch and foam roll every day in my new garage gym.

I’ve lost interest in writing. I finished the first novel in my trilogy in December. I’m ten percent through the second one. I got lost trying to tell the story. Now I know where to go, but I don’t even want to research. This is not me.

I’ve tried to be as gentle with myself as I’m trying to be with my kids. We are all out of our comfort zones, except for my husband. He is like one of these bees: Busy at work at home and loving it. The rest of us fight episodes of depression and anxiety. Going outside helps.

I take my camera everywhere now. I very much enjoyed my middle son’s college photography classes. I learned a lot reading over his shoulder and taking him on photo shoots. Good thing it wasn’t an in-person, video class. I would have been left out!

I find sitting quietly, watching the minute, looking at the details, focusing on the now, helps me process and relax. Taking photos of movement takes a different type of patience.

I hope you are finding peace and comfort and something to do as we figure out our new normals. I believe it was former Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz who said that people need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. The last two months have proved this to me. In the meantime, my patience is till growing, even though it sometimes hurts.